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What can I do?
#1

What can I do?
A couple of years ago, a good Ukrainian friend of mine, living here asked me if I could harbour an ukrainian girl (25 yo is a girl), running from war and abuse and her daughter, same age as my daughter, both 8 now. I saw no problem and both childs become like sisters. All was well untill she got a boyfriend, nothing wrong with that, but her boy got her out of a steady job that I got her (warehouse work) and since I am someone that once knew the drug &alcohol circles around here, she became more slim, horribly skeleton slim. I tried to talk to her, but she plays no effort. My wife talks to her and smelt the odour of cannabis smoke, my wife knows. She might be playing tricks and that is a dangerous game and my boys from the old gang know her bf is carrying.

What can I do? She is innocent in my view, she ran off war, just got a bad boyfried. I could go back and talk to my old friends, ya know, to give her leverage. I just want to stay away.

I need your help in this.
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#2

What can I do?
Tough situation and I'm not sure I completely understand the whole situation. Obviously your wife knows, what position is she taking?

Might be tough love time, especially considering her daughter. With the weight loss it sounds like opiates could be her DOC. Might want to consider getting a couple of naloxone rescue devices. And if she's turning tricks it might be tough to get her out of that life. Other than weight loss have you seen any other AIDS/STD symptoms?

Is she eligible for a 30 day rehab time out in Portugal? I doubt she will be able to think straight until she's clean.

Last question, do you think she is putting you family in danger?
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#3

What can I do?
(10-11-2024, 01:19 PM)brewerb Wrote: Tough situation and I'm not sure I completely understand the whole situation. Obviously your wife knows, what position is she taking?

Might be tough love time, especially considering her daughter. With the weight loss it sounds like opiates could be her DOC. Might want to consider getting a couple of naloxone rescue devices. And if she's turning tricks it might be tough to get her out of that life. Other than weight loss have you seen any other AIDS/STD symptoms?

Is she eligible for a 30 day rehab time out in Portugal? I doubt she will be able to think straight until she's clean.

Last question, do you think she is putting you family in danger?

My wife knows that not even god could stray me away from her. How else she would welcome a blue eyed blonde slavic women into our garden. I know it seems silly, but i looked at her, she is beautiful and i give her home for 50 euros plus 35 for water and electrical bill. I thought I was doing something right in my life, for once. My good friend that vouched for her saved me a couple of times. I just don't want him to be burdened with it. It is a 25yo woman, she cant speak neither english or portuguese. Her daugher, my daughter BFFs understand eachother, what can I do? I really need help in this shit, i faced drug addicts, alcoholics, game, pedoes (oh yeah)

Please help me? Would you prefer me to ask god? You know that trick put unto your mind in your youth never gets off.
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#4

What can I do?
Is there a local "Ukrainian community" who might well share your concerns and could "mentor" her away from the path she is walking, country women/men to country woman? At the very least they would share her language. I bet they would share your concerns and wish to help in any way they can...2c...good luck.
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#5

What can I do?
(10-11-2024, 02:31 PM)LastPoet Wrote:
(10-11-2024, 01:19 PM)brewerb Wrote: Tough situation and I'm not sure I completely understand the whole situation. Obviously your wife knows, what position is she taking?

Might be tough love time, especially considering her daughter. With the weight loss it sounds like opiates could be her DOC. Might want to consider getting a couple of naloxone rescue devices. And if she's turning tricks it might be tough to get her out of that life. Other than weight loss have you seen any other AIDS/STD symptoms?

Is she eligible for a 30 day rehab time out in Portugal? I doubt she will be able to think straight until she's clean.

Last question, do you think she is putting you family in danger?

My wife knows that not even god could stray me away from her. How else she would welcome a blue eyed blonde slavic women into our garden. I know it seems silly, but i looked at her, she is beautiful and i give her home for 50 euros plus 35 for water and electrical bill. I thought I was doing something right in my life, for once. My good friend that vouched for her saved me a couple of times. I just don't want him to be burdened with it. It is a 25yo woman, she cant speak neither english or portuguese. Her daugher, my daughter BFFs understand eachother, what can I do? I really need help in this shit, i faced drug addicts, alcoholics, game, pedoes (oh yeah)

Please help me? Would you prefer me to ask god? You know that trick put unto your mind in your youth never gets off.

Apparently it appears that my concerns and suggestions were not understood. What does your wife think about this 25yo getting into the game and still living in your house? My previous response had nothing to do with any attraction between you and this woman and her child. Your good friend also needs to know what's going on even if he stays outside the situation. Apparently her knows her better and might be able to give you suggestions/help.

Not speaking the language, simple fix, get her a translation app.

Another thing to consider is the needs of the 25yo's child. What happens if her mother goes down the drain, you need to understand the legal ramifications (i.e. power of attorney/guardianship).

What other help do you expect on the internet? If you can, get her into a 30 day rehab if that's a thing in your country. If she's putting you family in danger get the authorities involved.

Asking Gods for help, not my recommendation. You obviously don't remember me from AF. Lastly, what makes you think you're not doing the right thing? Stop beating yourself up.
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#6

What can I do?
Okay, I apologize for using the word "god". I only wanted advice, didn't know it was expensive. Eviction it is. Thanks.
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#7

What can I do?
I understand your familial concern for this 25-year-old
woman and her daughter, and your fear she's inadvertently
fallen into a drug-related partnership with an undesirable
character.

But... she is, after all, a fully mature adult who should be
making the right decisions for her (and her child's) future
life.  That she's come off the rails is obviously no fault of
yours in any way, so don't beat yourself up about her life
decisions.  Calm, considered guidance is the only thing
you can offer her.   Whether she listens to you or not is
up to her entirely.   Or it may be time for "tough love"?

I'm guessing that—particularly because of her previous life
in Ukraine—she's been forced into a mindset of having little
or no self confidence or assertiveness, or self reliance.  She's
simply, figuratively, blowing in the wind emotionally.

I know that you've had a terrible past life too mate, but you've
got to now avoid spreading yourself to thin. And don't lose
focus on número uno.

  Take care.
I'm a creationist;   I believe that man created God.
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#8

What can I do?
(10-11-2024, 09:50 PM)LastPoet Wrote: Okay, I apologize for using the word "god". I only wanted advice, didn't know it was expensive. Eviction it is. Thanks.

Where did you get eviction from? A sent in rehab is not eviction and probably the best short term solution. Have an honest conversation with her, thru a translator if necessary.
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#9

What can I do?
(10-11-2024, 09:59 PM)SYZ Wrote: I understand your familial concern for this 25-year-old
woman and her daughter, and your fear she's inadvertently
fallen into a drug-related partnership with an undesirable
character.

But... she is, after all, a fully mature adult who should be
making the right decisions for her (and her child's) future
life.  That she's come off the rails is obviously no fault of
yours in any way, so don't beat yourself up about her life
decisions.  Calm, considered guidance is the only thing
you can offer her.   Whether she listens to you or not is
up to her entirely.   Or it may be time for "tough love"?

I'm guessing that—particularly because of her previous life
in Ukraine—she's been forced into a mindset of having little
or no self confidence or assertiveness, or self reliance.  She's
simply, figuratively, blowing in the wind emotionally.

I know that you've had a terrible past life too mate, but you've
got to now avoid spreading yourself to thin.  And don't lose
focus on número uno.

  Take care.

Thanks SYZ. Perhaps i am lashing out way harsh than i supposed to. I may even see myself in it. I will try to talk to her.
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#10

What can I do?
(10-11-2024, 10:09 PM)brewerb Wrote:
(10-11-2024, 09:50 PM)LastPoet Wrote: Okay, I apologize for using the word "god". I only wanted advice, didn't know it was expensive. Eviction it is. Thanks.

Where did you get eviction from? A sent in rehab is not eviction and probably the best short term solution.  Have an honest conversation with her, thru a translator if necessary.

I never felt confident about having more than me in my life. That is why i tried to ask here, because at least here, i can get objective help. I went overboard with eviction, it is something I can do, but I don't want to. I prefer to listen to counsel.

Otherwise, i would shut the fuck up. Her daughter is like the same age of my daughter, they are like sisters. I prefer to ask for consel before taking harsh measures. Is it that hard to understand?
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#11

What can I do?
Don't mind me...
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#12

What can I do?
(10-11-2024, 10:55 PM)LastPoet Wrote:
(10-11-2024, 10:09 PM)brewerb Wrote: Where did you get eviction from? A sent in rehab is not eviction and probably the best short term solution.  Have an honest conversation with her, thru a translator if necessary.

I never felt confident about having more than me in my life. That is why i tried to ask here, because at least here, i can get objective help. I went overboard with eviction, it is something I can do, but I don't want to. I prefer to listen to counsel.

Otherwise, i would shut the fuck up. Her daughter is like the same age of my daughter, they are like sisters. I prefer to ask for consel before taking harsh measures. Is it that hard to understand?

Not hard at all, that's why I've been talking about options/alternatives and actions. If things don't go well with the mom have you been thinking about a plan for her daughter like getting guardianship? What does you wife think?
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#13

What can I do?
We're all amateurs here. You should talk to somebody with professional experience in addiction counseling on how to best deal with this. Anything else that I'd say would just be pissing in the wind, but good luck to you!
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#14

What can I do?
Thank you. Precisely the objective view on things. It was all i wanted. You helped me on something i had doubts about, the essence of me.
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#15

What can I do?
Let us know how this turns out.
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#16

What can I do?
(10-29-2024, 01:05 PM)brewerb Wrote: Let us know how this turns out.

I am taking time to think. She has ran from war, she met a mostly portuguese guy that works zero. I am worried. While i understand her predicaments, i will not stand for bullshit within my home. The guy seemed like a nice guy for her, both 25yo, yet he is unemployed, leeching on my internet and good will. Call me dumb all you want, but i am not a fool. I am divided. What to do in these matters? Or should I care most about elections and shit? I dont even vote in nuclear capable countries.
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#17

What can I do?
Another thing for context: the other day, a couple of f16s went above, while its natural to me since we are near an air base, she and her daughter ran to shelter fast at the sounds of jets. Usual drills from 100% of the Portuguese air force, yet they looked scared as hell. Take notice it will only get worse from here.
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#18

What can I do?
(10-29-2024, 01:51 PM)LastPoet Wrote:
(10-29-2024, 01:05 PM)brewerb Wrote: Let us know how this turns out.

I am taking time to think. She has ran from war, she met a mostly portuguese guy that works zero. I am worried. While i understand her predicaments, i will not stand for bullshit within my home. The guy seemed like a nice guy for her, both 25yo, yet he is unemployed, leeching on my internet and good will. Call me dumb all you want, but i am not a fool. I am divided. What to do in these matters? Or should I care most about elections and shit? I dont even vote in nuclear capable countries.

Family first (including this woman's daughter). 'She' is an adult, the most you can do is give her support, but if it were me I'd let he know where the line gets drawn.

At the end of the day do what you think is right and best, that's pretty much all that any of us can do. Elections should be the least of your worries at this point, put that crap on ignore.

The jet thing, give it time, let them feel safe (run) and see that you feel safe.
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#19

What can I do?
(10-29-2024, 01:51 PM)LastPoet Wrote: ...I am taking time to think. She has ran from war, she met a mostly Portuguese guy that works zero. I am worried. While i understand her predicaments, i will not stand for bullshit within my home. The guy seemed like a nice guy for her, both 25yo, yet he is unemployed, leeching on my internet and good will. Call me dumb all you want, but i am not a fool. I am divided. What to do in these matters? Or should I care most about elections and shit? I don't even vote in nuclear capable countries.

I'm not quite certain what you mean by "he seemed like a nice guy for her"
but then contradict that (if I'm reading that correctly?) by saying he's leeching
off you, he's unemployed (why?), and he's taking advantage of your goodwill.  
To me those characteristics don't appear to make him a good guy, but something
possibly a lot less desirable than that.

Is he actually living under your roof, or is he only a casual but regular visitor?
Whereabouts do they see each other—in your house or elsewhere?  Have you
seen them when they're together for some period of time in order to gauge his
sincerity—or maybe her possibly immature infatuation?  I do hear warning bells
from having seen several star-crossed lovers over the decades—particularly
younger couples, one of whom was never a suitable life partner from day one,
but whose weaknesses of character were initially unseen by the other party.

Quote:Another thing for context: the other day, a couple of f16s went above, while its natural to me since we are near an air base, she and her daughter ran to shelter fast at the sounds of jets. Usual drills from 100% of the Portuguese air force, yet they looked scared as hell. Take notice it will only get worse from here.

I can readily understand their response, having had a couple of Vietnam-era vet
mates overreacting to overflights by news or medical helicopters back here in
Australia.  Not quite to the point of running for cover physically, but certainly to
the point of emotional distress and distraction.  It was a reflexive, involuntary
message from the brain ingrained from stressors and fear for their lives resulting
from repeated exposure to the sounds of enemy aircraft in country.

I'd imagine that rather than "getting worse" it should recede over time, as it did
with my mates after a couple of years.  But then it's difficult if not impossible to
get inside another person's psyche, and it could be considered presumptuous to
try and do so.

(As an aside, we live near a RAAF base and it's
not uncommon to hear an F-35A Lightning II fly
over at high altitude.)
I'm a creationist;   I believe that man created God.
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#20

What can I do?
Well, she broke up with him, i never said anything of my concerns, better ask for help when in doubt, guess everything worked itself out.

She came to my house in tears and talked to my wife, the guy was taking advantage of her for house and food, contributing nothing. Good for her.
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#21

What can I do?
(10-29-2024, 02:09 PM)LastPoet Wrote: Another thing for context: the other day, a couple of f16s went above, while its natural to me since we are near an air base, she and her daughter ran to shelter fast at the sounds of jets. Usual drills from 100% of the Portuguese air force, yet they looked scared as hell. Take notice it will only get worse from here.

Sad to say but that's a pretty common response. When I was a kid we had a family of Laosian refugees living in our upstairs apartment. One night the fire department's siren went off. It was an old air raid siren from WWII, never used and long since repurposed. The entire family tried to hide in the cellar and it was only after some very difficult explanations in broken English and some pantomime that we managed to get things explained. It gets better with time but I remember seeing their daughter flinch at that sound years later.

Count yourself blessed that you live in a world where that sound doesn't mean anything more than routine drills.
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#22

What can I do?
Paleophyte ' Wrote: Count yourself blessed that you live in a world where that sound doesn't mean anything more than routine drills.

Yeah, i thought of that. I could see their fright. Glad it hasn't reached here yet. Medvedev said he wanted a Russia from Vladivoskov to lisbon. Giving the possibility that a magnate, unhinged, actually has the possibility of getting into the white house, it is a possibility in the future.
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