Mean-Ass Jokes

[M.Linoge]

[skyking]

my uncle Richard was apparently Loki in real life.
Shen they were kids, they had a neighbor who was so proud of his new Model A Ford, and recorded the fuel economy carefully. It was the topic of over the fence neighbor talk.
Richard, who was 12 or so at the time, had the truly devious idea of siphoning off a gallon or two.
Then fence talk was about not knowing what was wrong, maybe taking it to the dealer, all sorts of hand wringing. He waited and waited, and then
put the gas back!

It was one of his many devious exploits.

[Ima Believer]

[adey67]

The only jokes I know are seriously offensive (looks around and slowly backs out of the room)

[Fireball]

At, not with.

[Ima Believer]

At, not with.

I don't know what that means, but I sure do like Hitchens. The last jokes (I think it was the last two) were particularly funny. 

"Do you know why the Amish girl was excommunicated? Too Mennonite"

And the Jew wailing at the wall asking for peace, etc. was asked if he thought his tactic would work and he says, well you know, it's like talking to a wall.

[M.Linoge]

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

[M.Linoge]

[M.Linoge]

[Fireball]

Mean √

Ass √

Joke √

10/10

[brewerb]

[M.Linoge]

[M.Linoge]

[M.Linoge]

[M.Linoge]

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[Tres Leches]

Jeez, you're on a roll, @M.Linoge .

-Teresa

[M.Linoge]

Getting it all out now. I've got a crazy no-fun-allowed schedule starting tomorrow.

[M.Linoge]

[Old Man Marsh]

What has nine arms and sucks?

Def Lepard.

[M.Linoge]

It has mean and ass in it. 

[TheGulegon]

Love conquers all, indeed!

[Old Man Marsh]

A man from New York moves out of the city and into a farm in the south. He knows nothing about farming, but he notices that the man across the street has quite a prosperous agricultural enterprise going.
He walks across the street and says to the farmer, "I'm new to farming, and I need some animals. I would like to buy that chicken from you."
The farmer picks up the chicken and says, "I'll give you this critter as a welcoming present. But I'll also tell you this: around here, we don't call them chickens, we call them pullets."
The city-dweller thanks the farmer and goes home. The next day the city-dweller wakes up late because he is used to having an alarm clock.
He walks over to his neighbor's farm and tells him that he would like to buy his rooster because it will wake him up in the morning. The farmer sells him the rooster and says, "Round these parts we don't call 'em roosters. We call 'em cocks."
The next day the New Yorker wakes up on time thanks to his new rooster. He eats some eggs that his chicken laid. He wants to get started planting his crops, but the soil needs to be tilled. He walks over to his neighbor's farm and asks to buy a donkey to pull the plow. The farmer agrees to sell the donkey. The farmer says, "Round here we don't call them donkeys. We call 'em asses. This one here is kind of ornery. He won't plow the field unless you bring a pullet and a cock with you. And if he ever stops pulling the plow, just tickle him behind the ear, and he'll start moving again."
The New Yorker goes home. The next day he starts plowing the field along with the donkey, the chicken and a rooster. The donkey stops as a woman is walking by. The city-dweller then asks the woman, "Would you please hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?"

[Fireball]

What ever happened to Yak Herder? This was one of his...

[M.Linoge]

[M.Linoge]