As of today (#WorldGothDay), I have been engaged to myself for one year. I didn’t do it on purpose, but proposing to myself on this day was very significant for me.

As an autoromantic person, I am in love with myself. I have a romantic relationship with myself that I do not have with others. I always knew my relationship with myself was meant to blossom into something more. So when I found out about sologamy (self-marriage), I was excited to learn that I could marry myself.

I’ll never forget how I proposed to myself. I remember reading about how one person’s adventure into sologamy began with a self-engagement. The minute I heard about that, I turned inward and asked myself excitedly, “Can we do it?! Can we do it?!” Brief moments followed as I basked in the idea of asking myself to marry me. I was admittedly intimidated and immediately wondered if the time was right or if I was really ready for such a commitment with myself. Then I snapped back into reality and immediately said, “Yes.”

To celebrate my self-engagement, I got a ring for myself at a thrift store in Pennsylvania for $5. However, the ring started irritating my finger, so I took it off. The truth is my self-engagement transcends the meaning of any material symbol. I am engaged to myself no matter what kind of jewelry I am wearing. Although I will one day be my own wife, I am enjoying the feeling of being engaged.

This is the first time I’ve ever been engaged to anyone. I’m glad it’s with myself. I try to be a good lover unto myself as well as everyone else. However, the relationship I have with myself is special. I sometimes get butterflies in my stomach when I think of myself. I know I can always turn to myself if I’m having a problem. I love myself for my uniqueness, creativity, and beauty.

After I got engaged to myself, I was very giddy. I happily announced the engagement to all of my friends. Then I found out it was World Goth Day and it couldn’t have felt more perfect. Getting engaged to myself on World Goth Day still feels perfect. I couldn’t ask for a better day to ask for my own hand in marriage.

One thing about I like about myself is that I’m into gothic culture. I embrace the darkness and the darkness embraces me. However, other people don’t understand why I’m so into darkness and gothic culture. When I was in middle and high school, I was ridiculed for dressing in all black, wearing skulls, and decking myself out with safety pins and spikes. Still, “gothic” is an adjective you can comfortably use to describe me. I like to visit cemeteries, listen to Bauhaus, write dark poetry, practice witchcraft, and wear all black. I feel closest to myself when I am embracing my own flavor of darkness. This darkness is not necessarily evil, but beautiful in its own way.

I’ve been enjoying the feeling of being my own fiance. Being engaged is such a magical time in one’s relationship. I want to continue to cherish every moment of my engagement.

One thing I’ve learned from being engaged to myself for one year is that everyone loves themselves differently. Some people lead healthy lifestyles because they love themselves. Other people smoke cigarettes, drink wine, and indulge in sweets when they’re being kind to themselves. It’s important to keep your health in mind, but loving yourself is about deciding what’s best for you. Personally, I’ve loved myself in unhealthy ways. I’ve overindulged in food, alcohol, and smoking when I was really feeling myself. In the past, I’ve loved myself by being healthy and I’m learning to rediscover that now. I’m working on being a better influence unto myself. I only want to be a good fiance that takes care of my lover. I have a long way to go, but I’m getting better at it each day.

Being autosexual and autoromantic means I’m still very attracted to myself at every size, including now (which is my biggest). Now that I’m bigger, I’ve noticed I’m more attracted to bigger women. I love how much space I take up. Although I plan on losing weight, I”ll always be embracing my plus size identity.

One of my favorite things to do with myself is get underneath the covers and cuddle myself. I enjoy basking in my own presence. From there, I simply close my eyes and take in all of the comfortable sensations of being in my own embrace. I appreciate myself for simply being me and I want to experience all of the self-love I possibly can.

I haven’t had any “dates” with myself for a while. That’s because most of the time, I sit back and hang out with myself. My dates with myself now involve lots of cuddling, nudity, music, and magick. I often caress my own thighs and admire the size of my butt. I buy myself gifts (plushies, anyone?) with romantic intent. Although I’ve fallen into a bit of a lull with myself due to the recent death of my mother, I am still learning how to love myself fully and relive the sense of romance I have towards myself.

Sometimes, I forget I’m engaged to myself. I make the mistake of treating myself like any other person. In reality, I am my own lover and I must treat myself accordingly. As of today, I reaffirm my self-engagement as the ultimate commitment to myself. No matter who else I marry along the way, I will be keeping my last name. After all, it’s my name and I don’t want to change it for anyone.

One thing’s for sure: I trust myself as a fiance. I was always afraid I would wind up with someone who mistreated me, but by being my own fiance, I am dedicating myself to someone who treats me how I want to be treated.

If you’re autoromantic, I highly recommend getting engaged to yourself. It will take your relationship with yourself to the next level. It’s never too early to get engaged to yourself. I was fearful I couldn’t commit to myself, but then I realized nothing was holding me back from being my own fiance. I realized there was no real way to be “ready” for getting engaged when the person you’re getting engaged to is yourself.

I’m not sure how much longer until the self-wedding. I’m not concerned with that. I’m just enjoying being engaged to myself and will keep enjoying it for at least another year.