Our former pastor is an arse!

[Charladele]

SOOO, hubby and I have been members of a Lutheran Church for over 20 years, but I quit going once I figured out God was not real.  Hubby still believes, but is not necessarily a full-blown Lutheran.  Neither of us have attended in a year and a half since the Covid.  Anyway, we are moving and I called the church to ask to be transferred out.  I have no intention of joining another church.  I told hubby that he wanted to join another church, I would be willing to attend services with him, to show my support, but won't join.  I personally think he will be perfectly happy hanging onto his beliefs but not actually joining another church.  Anyway, the secretary said they could do just a basic transfer out, or a transfer to another church.  I picked the basic.  I told her we hadn't had time to find another church.  But THEN, we got a call that the pastor wants to wait and transfer us out ONCE WE HAVE CHOSEN ANOTHER CHURCH.  This pisses me off.  Why should it be HIS choice?  This bothers my husband but I say, screw it!  How dare he?  Is this some sort of attempt at a guilt trip to make us choose another church?  The pastor knows darned well I no longer believe.

[Vera]

SOOO, hubby and I have been members of a Lutheran Church for over 20 years, but I quit going once I figured out God was not real.  Hubby still believes, but is not necessarily a full-blown Lutheran.  Neither of us have attended in a year and a half since the Covid.  Anyway, we are moving and I called the church to ask to be transferred out.  I have no intention of joining another church.  I told hubby that he wanted to join another church, I would be willing to attend services with him, to show my support, but won't join.  I personally think he will be perfectly happy hanging onto his beliefs but not actually joining another church.  Anyway, the secretary said they could do just a basic transfer out, or a transfer to another church.  I picked the basic.  I told her we hadn't had time to find another church.  But THEN, we got a call that the pastor wants to wait and transfer us out ONCE WE HAVE CHOSEN ANOTHER CHURCH.  This pisses me off.  Why should it be HIS choice?  This bothers my husband but I say, screw it!  How dare he?  Is this some sort of attempt at a guilt trip to make us choose another church?  The pastor knows darned well I no longer believe.

Pardon my utter ignorance but don't people just... go to church and listen? Do they actually have to sign up for it? And what are the perks of "signing up"?

[Minimalist]

SOOO, hubby and I have been members of a Lutheran Church for over 20 years, but I quit going once I figured out God was not real.  Hubby still believes, but is not necessarily a full-blown Lutheran.  Neither of us have attended in a year and a half since the Covid.  Anyway, we are moving and I called the church to ask to be transferred out.  I have no intention of joining another church.  I told hubby that he wanted to join another church, I would be willing to attend services with him, to show my support, but won't join.  I personally think he will be perfectly happy hanging onto his beliefs but not actually joining another church.  Anyway, the secretary said they could do just a basic transfer out, or a transfer to another church.  I picked the basic.  I told her we hadn't had time to find another church.  But THEN, we got a call that the pastor wants to wait and transfer us out ONCE WE HAVE CHOSEN ANOTHER CHURCH.  This pisses me off.  Why should it be HIS choice?  This bothers my husband but I say, screw it!  How dare he?  Is this some sort of attempt at a guilt trip to make us choose another church?  The pastor knows darned well I no longer believe.

They do tend to get somewhat full of themselves, don't they?

[Dānu]

It's like trying to get away from a used car salesman or one of those guys selling cable service at the mall.

[Mr Greene]

SOOO, hubby and I have been members of a Lutheran Church for over 20 years, but I quit going once I figured out God was not real.  Hubby still believes, but is not necessarily a full-blown Lutheran.  Neither of us have attended in a year and a half since the Covid.  Anyway, we are moving and I called the church to ask to be transferred out.  I have no intention of joining another church.  I told hubby that he wanted to join another church, I would be willing to attend services with him, to show my support, but won't join.  I personally think he will be perfectly happy hanging onto his beliefs but not actually joining another church.  Anyway, the secretary said they could do just a basic transfer out, or a transfer to another church.  I picked the basic.  I told her we hadn't had time to find another church.  But THEN, we got a call that the pastor wants to wait and transfer us out ONCE WE HAVE CHOSEN ANOTHER CHURCH.  This pisses me off.  Why should it be HIS choice?  This bothers my husband but I say, screw it!  How dare he?  Is this some sort of attempt at a guilt trip to make us choose another church?  The pastor knows darned well I no longer believe.

Potentially it affects government grants or similar revenue sources based on numbers of members.
It's therefore in the pastor's interest to massage his figures and follows a pattern seen here when churches split and individuals were counted as being members of both the original church and it's offshoot.

[Percie]

SOOO, hubby and I have been members of a Lutheran Church for over 20 years, but I quit going once I figured out God was not real.  Hubby still believes, but is not necessarily a full-blown Lutheran.  Neither of us have attended in a year and a half since the Covid.  Anyway, we are moving and I called the church to ask to be transferred out.  I have no intention of joining another church.  I told hubby that he wanted to join another church, I would be willing to attend services with him, to show my support, but won't join.  I personally think he will be perfectly happy hanging onto his beliefs but not actually joining another church.  Anyway, the secretary said they could do just a basic transfer out, or a transfer to another church.  I picked the basic.  I told her we hadn't had time to find another church.  But THEN, we got a call that the pastor wants to wait and transfer us out ONCE WE HAVE CHOSEN ANOTHER CHURCH.  This pisses me off.  Why should it be HIS choice?  This bothers my husband but I say, screw it!  How dare he?  Is this some sort of attempt at a guilt trip to make us choose another church?  The pastor knows darned well I no longer believe.

So move without transferring out. How in the world does being on the rolls of this church affect your life? I've been on the rolls of a church I wasn't attending for a number of years and it didn't affect me in the slightest. I'm surprised you even thought of it before you moved and hubby found another church which then asked for a transfer. It's not something high on most people's minds when moving.

[Astreja]

"Okay, then, just cancel our membership altogether."

[Dancefortwo]

SOOO, hubby and I have been members of a Lutheran Church for over 20 years, but I quit going once I figured out God was not real.  Hubby still believes, but is not necessarily a full-blown Lutheran.  Neither of us have attended in a year and a half since the Covid.  Anyway, we are moving and I called the church to ask to be transferred out.  I have no intention of joining another church.  I told hubby that he wanted to join another church, I would be willing to attend services with him, to show my support, but won't join.  I personally think he will be perfectly happy hanging onto his beliefs but not actually joining another church.  Anyway, the secretary said they could do just a basic transfer out, or a transfer to another church.  I picked the basic.  I told her we hadn't had time to find another church.  But THEN, we got a call that the pastor wants to wait and transfer us out ONCE WE HAVE CHOSEN ANOTHER CHURCH.  This pisses me off.  Why should it be HIS choice?  This bothers my husband but I say, screw it!  How dare he?  Is this some sort of attempt at a guilt trip to make us choose another church?  The pastor knows darned well I no longer believe.

Pardon my utter ignorance but don't people just... go to church and listen? Do they actually have to sign up for it? And what are the perks of "signing up"?

I know.  It's not like it's one of the armed forces where one has to go through a lot of rigmarole to leave the service.

[Inkubus]

As a Brit I'm rather confused with this registration thing, I thought people just walked into churches.

[Vera]

I know.  It's not like it's one of the armed forces where one has to go through a lot of rigmarole to leave the service.

Sounds more like the mafia

[julep]

SOOO, hubby and I have been members of a Lutheran Church for over 20 years, but I quit going once I figured out God was not real.  Hubby still believes, but is not necessarily a full-blown Lutheran.  Neither of us have attended in a year and a half since the Covid.  Anyway, we are moving and I called the church to ask to be transferred out.  I have no intention of joining another church.  I told hubby that he wanted to join another church, I would be willing to attend services with him, to show my support, but won't join.  I personally think he will be perfectly happy hanging onto his beliefs but not actually joining another church.  Anyway, the secretary said they could do just a basic transfer out, or a transfer to another church.  I picked the basic.  I told her we hadn't had time to find another church.  But THEN, we got a call that the pastor wants to wait and transfer us out ONCE WE HAVE CHOSEN ANOTHER CHURCH.  This pisses me off.  Why should it be HIS choice?  This bothers my husband but I say, screw it!  How dare he?  Is this some sort of attempt at a guilt trip to make us choose another church?  The pastor knows darned well I no longer believe.

Three ideas. 

1. Maybe, since you're not a believer, he wants to be able to warn the other church about you...

2. Maybe, since he's a pastor, he's used to thinking that he knows better than anyone else and so has to modify or reject every action someone else (especially a female) proposes. 

3. If your membership involves some kind of money being automatically thrown your church's way, he's probably just trying to hang onto the cash for as long as he can.

[Dancefortwo]

Shhhh...... just go AWOL.  Don't tell anyone though.  They'll be none the wiser. 

[Dānu]

Lookup a chapter of the Church Of Satan and tell him that's where you will be going.

[Charladele]

Lol, Danu. So tempting. It just makes me mad is all, but I'm just leaving and doing what I want. Both hubby and I were very careful not to sign up for any automatic monthly "donations" to be taken from our bank account. Anyway, it was our decision to join the church some 20 years ago, so it just seems like it should be our decision to leave it if we wish. Believe me, I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. Just doing a little venting.

[Dom]

There are countries where you pay a church tax to the government. That continues until you officially denounce the church. I should know. And I only ever went to church until I was 10 years old. Later I moved to the states. I never worked in Germany and never paid taxes there. But, when I was in my 40s, I opened a German bank account for convenience. And I see that I am being charged a church tax...I didn't want to bother denouncing the church from over here, and I didn't want to go see the priest on a trip there, so I just closed the account. Case closed.

I don't know what country Charlie lives in, or how the church holds on to people in various places.

[Charladele]

Oh, I live in the US of A.

[Bucky Ball]

SOOO, hubby and I have been members of a Lutheran Church for over 20 years, but I quit going once I figured out God was not real.  Hubby still believes, but is not necessarily a full-blown Lutheran.  Neither of us have attended in a year and a half since the Covid.  Anyway, we are moving and I called the church to ask to be transferred out.  I have no intention of joining another church.  I told hubby that he wanted to join another church, I would be willing to attend services with him, to show my support, but won't join.  I personally think he will be perfectly happy hanging onto his beliefs but not actually joining another church.  Anyway, the secretary said they could do just a basic transfer out, or a transfer to another church.  I picked the basic.  I told her we hadn't had time to find another church.  But THEN, we got a call that the pastor wants to wait and transfer us out ONCE WE HAVE CHOSEN ANOTHER CHURCH.  This pisses me off.  Why should it be HIS choice?  This bothers my husband but I say, screw it!  How dare he?  Is this some sort of attempt at a guilt trip to make us choose another church?  The pastor knows darned well I no longer believe.

Pardon my utter ignorance but don't people just... go to church and listen? Do they actually have to sign up for it? And what are the perks of "signing up"?

Moar donuts on donut Sunday.
They also get special mailings about when the fat lady sings.

[Antonio]

I'm confused

[Reltzik]

SOOO, hubby and I have been members of a Lutheran Church for over 20 years, but I quit going once I figured out God was not real.  Hubby still believes, but is not necessarily a full-blown Lutheran.  Neither of us have attended in a year and a half since the Covid.  Anyway, we are moving and I called the church to ask to be transferred out.  I have no intention of joining another church.  I told hubby that he wanted to join another church, I would be willing to attend services with him, to show my support, but won't join.  I personally think he will be perfectly happy hanging onto his beliefs but not actually joining another church.  Anyway, the secretary said they could do just a basic transfer out, or a transfer to another church.  I picked the basic.  I told her we hadn't had time to find another church.  But THEN, we got a call that the pastor wants to wait and transfer us out ONCE WE HAVE CHOSEN ANOTHER CHURCH.  This pisses me off.  Why should it be HIS choice?  This bothers my husband but I say, screw it!  How dare he?  Is this some sort of attempt at a guilt trip to make us choose another church?  The pastor knows darned well I no longer believe.

Pardon my utter ignorance but don't people just... go to church and listen? Do they actually have to sign up for it? And what are the perks of "signing up"?

Churches are a bit like mobile phones.

Some mobiles are given out for free, as a charity program, because someone thinks people need it.  (Not many.  Most, the vendor expects to get their money back somehow.)

Some mobiles you pay as you go.

Some, you sign a long-term contract on.

And with large, organized denominations, when you get a new phone (church) and/or a different service area, they have it set up for it to be super-easy for you to get the phone set up on the same (or affiliate) service, and super-obnoxious to not do so.  And that long-term contract has a whole bunch of fine print in it that makes it really hard to make them just leave you alone.

[SYZ]

Pardon my utter ignorance but don't people just... go to church and listen? Do they actually have to sign up for it? And what are the perks of "signing up"?

That's what confuses me too. What the fuck does it mean to "transfer" from one
church to another? I thought it was just like the movies—you just walked in or out
when you felt like it. How does one actually "join" a church? Is there some sort of
binding contract?

[SYZ]

Double post grrrrrrr...

[Minimalist]

Pardon my utter ignorance but don't people just... go to church and listen? Do they actually have to sign up for it? And what are the perks of "signing up"?

That's what confuses me too.  What the fuck does it mean to "transfer" from one
church to another?  I thought it was just like the movies—you just walked in or out
when you felt like it.  How does one actually "join" a church?  Is there some sort of
binding contract?

You have to sell your soul to the sonsofbitches!

[mordant]

Pardon my utter ignorance but don't people just... go to church and listen? Do they actually have to sign up for it? And what are the perks of "signing up"?

That's what confuses me too.  What the fuck does it mean to "transfer" from one
church to another?  I thought it was just like the movies—you just walked in or out
when you felt like it.  How does one actually "join" a church?  Is there some sort of
binding contract?

It is "like the movies" in a lot of denominations. Evangelicals like to whine about people coming and going as they please, but they allow it. Anyone can be indoctrinated, it's only after you drink the Kool Aid that you make an affirmation of faith of some kind and are considered an official, voting member. Those churches are run by a board of elders, which the pastor presides over, which manages the routines operations, and decisions like building or renovation projects or new programs are generally put to a vote of the congregation. But even an official member can just blow the joint and disappear and then later decide to take up with a similar church elsewhere and since each church is run completely independent apart from maybe being part of a loose, non-governing association of like-minded churches just so people know they have the "correct beliefs", no one cares.

In the old line denominations it can be more like this "Lootran" church (my grandmother was Swedish, and that's the way she pronounced it) where you are more formally transferred to another location. That is alien to my experience, but I've heard of it.

Denominations also vary in many other ways. Sometimes the local church decides who it wants to hire as a pastor, sometimes the denomination just assigns someone and they show up on their doorstep, like it or not. Sometimes the real estate is owned locally, sometimes by the national denominational HQ. There are varying levels of autonomy as to how money is allocated -- who decides if we have a fancy architecture or a pipe organ for example.

While I could wander into any church to be in a service, the social capital of official "belonging" on the one hand or the default social obligation of paying a tax like Dom points out happens in some countries, might be a different thing, depending on the denomination.

[Vera]

Churches are a bit like mobile phones.

Heh, that was my first thought too. I remember my cousin complaining about how hard it was to change mobile operators (is why I'm not signing a contract myself. Well, that, and I don't really talk on the phone. I haven't even been buying mobile data for a while as you have to use it all up within a week or lose it. Yeah right.)

The thing is, I do understand "joining" a denomination, even paying some sort of tax (even though it's truly ridiculous), if it's the state religion or something along those lines (we actually have a state religion - Eastern Orthodox, and since I was baptised as a baby, I'm technically a member, but we sure as hell (or heaven ) do not pay for that privilege) but people do not pay tax to/for a specific church (as in the church itself, not as in "the catholic church"), so what exactly does being a member of a certain church (and not a denomination) entail eludes me...

I think here people are part of parishes maybe, so if they want to get married they go to their local priest but I think they can go anywhere? Other than this, yeah, I thought it *was* like the movies - you just drop by and listen to the wise old man... or summat

(Of course, I've never actually been to mass or anyone sort of service (other than a really long wedding once and I almost died of boredom). When I was still sick with the religious virus, I'd occasionally drop by the most conveniet church and light a candle or something and that was it.)

[KevinM1]

Can you register a punch on the pastor's face? That would probably clear things up