OT500's Blog

[Dānu]

Apples, not having legs, lie upon the ground, next to the tree from which they fell.

[OakTree500]

Very few people had perfect parents.  Usually there’s some trait that we decide we don’t want to mimic from them.  I had pretty good parents but my mother was a bit obsessive compulsive about how I should act in public and how clean the house should be.  This woman wiped off light bulbs once a week and washed out the mailbox.  I had to make my bed the minute my feet hit the floor.  Of course, I rebelled against all of those traits but, I didn’t become a slob or allow my kids to run wild.  I hope I found a nice balance.

My father was actually more loving than mom but was overprotective to almost an extreme. I seemed to have dealt with him by lying to him a lot and later realized that lying only protected his image of me, not who I actually was.  I realized at some point that I would have to disappoint him in order to not become a constant liar.  There’s still much I never told him but, I quit trying to be the perfect daughter.

After I married, I did know that I didn’t want to live near my parents even though I loved them very much.  I needed to focus on my own life and not their expectations.  It can be a fine line to accomplish, however.

I think we mostly try to pick the good and change or adapt the bad as we see it.  I’ve never met anyone that said I want to be exactly like my parents….even though that’s what happens to some, those that never try to be other than their upbringing.  My husbands story was even more extreme!

Thats been my biggest thing since living away from parents - I love my parents/family very much, and they would do anything to help me if I need it, but right now I have my family unit and thats what I focus on.

My wifes parents split about 5 years ago and she took it hard. My advise was to be neutral in all things and if anything to just focus on us: we put our parents on this pedestal of "this is mother and father, they are above us" yet not we have our own family, we are those people and our parents dont have "control" over our lives any more. I learnt that a long time ago, but not I tend to stay out of dramas and focus on my wife + daughter.