What does it mean to be an Attractive Man?

[Catholic_Lady]

You're probably in the wrong country for that. There's a scraggly bush to tie every scraggly horse to, and I'm not saying you are scraggly by that.

Wrong is right. Wrong planet. And I wasn't complaining about lack of opportunity, more the opposite. If what draws - even if just initially - others to me (and to people in general) is how fuckable I am, and this fuckablilty then evolves into emotional and all other types of "closeness" (and this seems to be the case in the vast majority of cases), then yes, I am on the wrong fucking (literally) planet.

You've fallen for the advertising and TV. For most, that's just the fantasy.

Snap outta it.

And for a LOT it's the reality. Not saying only gorgeous people get to be "loved", rather, it's someone's fuckablity that is, apparently, what originally draws people to each other and then it blossoms into "true love". Or some self-delusional such shit.

I don't know what you look like (and cant get a clear view of your avatar pic on my phone, if that's even you), but don't feel so discouraged over my post. As others have pointed out, theres so much more that goes into attraction than just looks. Looks is only the tiny part of it that I spoke of because it was the most simple and least subjective, with actual science behind it. But theres much more to find attractive in someone besides appearances.  

Also, not everyone can be super models. While it is more common for a man to end up with someone out of his league, looks wise, than the other way around, people usually do end up partnering with those who are about equal to them in the looks department.

[Vera]

I don't know what you look like (and cant get a clear view of your avatar pic on my phone, if that's even you), but don't feel so discouraged over my post. As others have pointed out, theres so much more that goes into attraction than just looks. Looks is only the tiny part of it that I spoke of because it was the most simple and least subjective, with actual science behind it. But theres much more to find attractive in someone besides appearances.  

Also, not everyone can be super models. While it is more common for a man to end up with someone out of his league, looks wise, than the other way around, people usually do end up partnering with those who are about equal to them in the looks department.

And this is kinda what I mean. More than one person has assumed that I am bitter because I'm not good-looking enough to be "loved". I do appreciate the feeling, honestly, I do, but I am not coming form, oh, nobody wants me. On the contrary, in Rio, it's usually the opposite that is the problem, especially when I want to go out on my own and men decide I must be there for the one and only reason people go out (or live) for - looking for a fuck.

I was coming from the mild sadness that for all our talk about other things mattering and blah blah blah, we remain as primitive as ever and for whatever unshakeable evolutionary reason seem doomed to place the utmost importance on the physical. Only thing that seems to have evolved is our ability to lie to ourselves about it.

[Catholic_Lady]

I don't know what you look like (and cant get a clear view of your avatar pic on my phone, if that's even you), but don't feel so discouraged over my post. As others have pointed out, theres so much more that goes into attraction than just looks. Looks is only the tiny part of it that I spoke of because it was the most simple and least subjective, with actual science behind it. But theres much more to find attractive in someone besides appearances.  

Also, not everyone can be super models. While it is more common for a man to end up with someone out of his league, looks wise, than the other way around, people usually do end up partnering with those who are about equal to them in the looks department.

And this is kinda what I mean. More than one person has assumed that I am bitter because I'm not good-looking enough to be "loved". I do appreciate the feeling, honestly, I do, but I am not coming form, oh, nobody wants me. On the contrary, in Rio, it's usually the opposite that is the problem, especially when I want to go out on my own and men decide I must be there for the one and only reason people go out (or live) for - looking for a fuck.

I was coming from the mild sadness that for all our talk about other things mattering and blah blah blah, we remain as primitive as ever and for whatever unshakeable evolutionary reason seem doomed to place the utmost importance on the physical. Only thing that seems to have evolved is our ability to lie to ourselves about it.

That is depressing that so many people "just wanna fuck." I agree with you that it is shallow and primitive, and I wish more people would strive to walk out of their animalistic urges and strive for a greater awareness. Granted, I know plenty of people who aren't that type, but I spent my teenage and young adult life in a much more conservative type community than Rio. 

Speaking of Rio, I lived there until I was 7 years old lol. Then my family and I moved to the US and been here ever since. I still have extended family in Rio, though I havent visited since 2009.

[Vera]

That is depressing that so many people "just wanna fuck." I agree with you that it is shallow and primitive, and I wish more people would strive to walk out of their animalistic urges and strive for a greater awareness. Granted, I know plenty of people who aren't that type, but I spent my teenage and young adult life in a much more conservative type community than Rio.

What is even more depressing is that for a lot (most?) the physical is the beginning and the basis of "love" and so many confuse physical attraction and what it does to you, for actually loving someone for who they are, not for the hormone rush that sex causes... for a while.

But to each their own.

Speaking of Rio, I lived there until I was 7 years old lol. Then my family and I moved to the US and been here ever since. I still have extended family in Rio, though I havent visited since 2009.

So cool! So are you Brazilian or were your parents stationed here or something? Where exactly in Rio? I'm in Santa Teresa, my favourite bairro

[Bucky Ball]

Every time I see this thread, I wanna post a smart-ass reply. 

[Vera]

Every time I see this thread, I wanna post a smart-ass reply. 

Well, if one wants one's ass to smart, being attractive definitely helps

[Thumpalumpacus]

What is even more depressing is that for a lot (most?) the physical is the beginning and the basis of "love" and so many confuse physical attraction and what it does to you, to actually loving someone for who they are, not for the hormone rush the sex causes... for a while.

It took me an awful long time to learn this, and I suspect the same is true of most guys my age or older. Ideally, we grow deeper as we grow older; that's been the case with me. I was very shallow when I was younger.

[Dānu]

You've fallen for the advertising and TV. For most, that's just the fantasy.

Snap outta it.

And for a LOT it's the reality. Not saying only gorgeous people get to be "loved", rather, it's someone's fuckablity that is, apparently, what originally draws people to each other and then it blossoms into "true love". Or some self-delusional such shit.

My understanding of biology, limited as it is, is that there is a great deal of propinquity between the two. The "sex" reaction and the "love/obsession" reaction tend to run concurrently yielding a perfect storm of attraction. People may look for one or the other, but when they find it, it tends to be a blur of both.

[Vera]

My understanding of biology, limited as it is, is that there is a great deal of propinquity between the two.  The "sex" reaction and the "love/obsession" reaction tend to run concurrently yielding a perfect storm of attraction.  People may look for one or the other, but when they find it, it tends to be a blur of both.

Loving someone and being in love are not the same. I was talking about the former.

[Dānu]

My understanding of biology, limited as it is, is that there is a great deal of propinquity between the two.  The "sex" reaction and the "love/obsession" reaction tend to run concurrently yielding a perfect storm of attraction.  People may look for one or the other, but when they find it, it tends to be a blur of both.

Loving someone and being in love are not the same. I was talking about the former.

Actually, I believe your distinction was between feelings and reactions that were "all about the fucking" as opposed to other emotions and reactions. If you want to amend your post to clarify that there are several separate things, the fucking, the love reaction, loving someone, and being in love, then I will respond once you have clarified what you are saying.

[Vera]

I wasn't aware this was a formal debate and that I had to write a thesis, following strict and specific rules.

[Catholic_Lady]

That is depressing that so many people "just wanna fuck." I agree with you that it is shallow and primitive, and I wish more people would strive to walk out of their animalistic urges and strive for a greater awareness. Granted, I know plenty of people who aren't that type, but I spent my teenage and young adult life in a much more conservative type community than Rio.

What is even more depressing is that for a lot (most?) the physical is the beginning and the basis of "love" and so many confuse physical attraction and what it does to you, for actually loving someone for who they are, not for the hormone rush that sex causes... for a while.

But to each their own.

Speaking of Rio, I lived there until I was 7 years old lol. Then my family and I moved to the US and been here ever since. I still have extended family in Rio, though I havent visited since 2009.

So cool! So are you Brazilian or were your parents stationed here or something? Where exactly in Rio? I'm in Santa Teresa, my favourite bairro  

I'm Brazilian. Born there, family is from there, etc. We lived in Ipanema. My dad's work transferred him up to the United States when I was a kid, and we've been here ever since. Since then, a few other people from my family have also moved up to the US, legally of course lol, but most are still in Brazil. Sao Paulo and Rio. :

Rio is absolutely gorgeous and sooo much fun, but it does have it's problems.

[Mark]

That is depressing that so many people "just wanna fuck." I agree with you that it is shallow and primitive, and I wish more people would strive to walk out of their animalistic urges and strive for a greater awareness. Granted, I know plenty of people who aren't that type, but I spent my teenage and young adult life in a much more conservative type community than Rio.

What is even more depressing is that for a lot (most?) the physical is the beginning and the basis of "love" and so many confuse physical attraction and what it does to you, for actually loving someone for who they are, not for the hormone rush that sex causes... for a while.

But to each their own.

Speaking of Rio, I lived there until I was 7 years old lol. Then my family and I moved to the US and been here ever since. I still have extended family in Rio, though I havent visited since 2009.

So cool! So are you Brazilian or were your parents stationed here or something? Where exactly in Rio? I'm in Santa Teresa, my favourite bairro  

I'm Brazilian. Born there, family is from there, etc. We lived in Ipanema. My dad's work transferred him up to the United States when I was a kid, and we've been here ever since. Since then, a few other people from my family have also moved up to the US, legally of course lol, but most are still in Brazil. Sao Paulo and Rio. :

Rio is absolutely gorgeous and sooo much fun, but it does have it's problems.

So you are this girl?