The AD Xmas nativity play

[Dancefortwo]

Can I be the guy who brought myrrh?

Um.....sure.  

[Joods]

*bribery mode enabled*

Tell you what...

If you let me be Satan this year, I'll bring some of my famous Death By Chocolate cake. This is what it looks like: 



It's very irresistible because it's deathly delicious.

Wow you do want the part badly don't you?  But as delicious as it looks there's no need for bribes, the op says each of you is responsible for the casting so all of you can cast who ever you want in whatever role you want. Shit I just talked my way out of delicious looking chocolate cake, I'm so dumb 

I do want it badly. I'm evil to the core. I'll still bring the cake. Just for you. 

Psst... if you click on the original picture, it gets bigger so you can feel like you're eating MORE cake

[Unsapien]

Why doesn't anybody ever want to do the other birth of Jesus, where Joseph was thinking of divorcing Mary because she was pregnant and it wasn't his, but then a guy in a dress with wings came to him in the night and told him "it's cool, that's just god using Mary to make himself" (which sounds ultra-creepy) and Joseph buys the excuse his brain made up for him (but will never buy from that dealer again) and where they actually do get  lodging in a house because Joseph was smart enough to book ahead of time through Airbnb. You know the one written by Matt, they get lodging in a house and don't end up putting their son in an animal food trough (sign that Mary & Joseph might have been closet atheists? You be the judge.).

I could play one of the three wiseasses that shows up with goldilocks, Frankenstein and his life partner Murray...to warn them to flee because there's a homicidal maniac called Herod who's up to no good and starting to make trouble in the neighbourhood, killing all the baby boys that were born today because he heard that a king was born and he'd just finished binge-watching all the seasons of game of thrones the night before. So his mom got scared and sent him to his aunty in bel-air, Egypt. Where he sat in his throne as the fresh prince of Egypt for an undefined period of time.

So Joseph & Mary flee with him to Egypt (because Egypt has never had a history of treating Jews poorly    ), and wait for Herod to die.

Then they make their way back, taking 40 days to get out of Egypt, because god is male and even he can't admit that he should have stopped and asked for directions (and even so male that he concocted a tale for his friends (who were only really with him because of the free healthcare) that he was honouring the Jews that escaped from Egypt by re-enacting the journey).

Then he goes back to his place of birth where he watches a re-enactment of the day, about two T-Rexs fighting over a table saw.

I know, I know, that's not exactly how it happened, but like "they" always say, the bible is open to interpretation.

Also the play must end with Satan facepalming.


Anyway it's more interesting then Luke Skywalker's version about plopping him out in a barn, into a food trough.

[Joods]

I'm giving up on the whole being Satan and I'm going to make up my own role.

I'll be the bouncer at the door and just check everyone's ID's to make sure they're old enough to get in.